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Hitting a Rough Patch- Monday 15 February
Dear Diary
You might be wondering why I havent made any entries in the last week. First things first - I weighed in at 109.9 kg's this morning, which means Ive lost about another 1.5kg's. It is quite surreal to believe that I've lost over 7kg's in 2 weeks and I don't think it has completely sunk in yet. I have dropped a shirt size which is a good thing. I also know that, in the initial stages, the weigh loss is fairly dramatic and then it tends to plateau, but we will see what happens.
Well, this entry is a little bit hard to write, because I am certainly a bit down today. Writing this diary forces me to be completely honest about what I'm going through during this 12 week journey to a healthier life. Even though Im happy with this weeks weight loss, I know I could have done better because I didn't train from Friday through to Sunday. I am not really proud of the fact that I didn't train for three days straight, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was extremely strict with what I ate, I probably wouldn't have lost any weight at all.
This week, I lost a lot of my drive and motivation - if I had to put a number on it, it would have been about 60% less drive and motivation than Week 1 - for no other reason than I had a bad week at work. Someone who I thought was a friend let me down in a bad way, and I don't wish to expand on it any further than that. Needless to say, it upset me very very much and put me in a terrible mindset. It all happened during the end of the week, and so many times, I must admit, I felt like heading home and just indulging in a bunch of junk food and throwing in the towel. I was that angry and upset. After I calmed down a bit, and spent some time just thinking about what got me so angry, and the people who had worked me up, I realised that I would not give them the power. I would not let them beat me down. Even though I was very upset and angry, I just decided that I didn't go through all that pain and hard work just to be knocked down by some loser who chose to fight with me for no reason. I suppose I should be weary about what I say since it's such an open forum, but hey, after all, this is a public event, and I agreed to be completely honest. However, the whole incident did get me down enough to put a spanner in the works with my training schedule. I know I let Sharif down by not training Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I know he was pretty disappointed by this. I could just tell. There is such a thing as being angry and ticked off, and there's such a thing as just feeling let down. It's kind of like when your parents yell and scream at you, but you know it is going to be okay because eventually they will calm down, but then there is that other time, where they DONT shout at you, they are just disappointed, and that makes you feel even WORSE. Well, that's how it was. I think this is what has upset me the most as Im writing this entry. Even though Im the one doing this challenge, I tend to forget that he has been there every step of the way, and he is putting just as much into this as me. When I take a hit, and choose to fall down and stay down, instead of getting up and fighting, I forget that not only am I letting myself down, but I am also letting him down. I suppose I feel guilty and a bit sad, because it is not like I have let down my trainer, it's like I have let down my friend. I don't want to let him down again, and I'm not ready to accept defeat. My vow this week, is not to let people make me feel worth less than I am, and I am deserving of the best, and I am going to continue to fight and persist and overcome all obstacles that come my way.
See you tomorrow.
Naren
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